Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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