Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
