Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
