I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize