turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
