Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
