Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
