Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
