I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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