And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
