chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize