i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
