I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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