Those balls look pretty dangerous.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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