He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
