You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
