I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
