You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
