My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize