Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How does it feel to date your dad?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
