I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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