I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
