You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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