i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
sex in a hospital.. check
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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