nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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