Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
