You just made me feel so damn special
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
