I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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