i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
