so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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