carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
