ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who died my cat blue again?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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