1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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