Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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