so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
