Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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