i think my tv is drunk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize