i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
