I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
