We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
