I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it was like eating out sand paper
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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