If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
