threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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