If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
