I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize