Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
