there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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