Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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