You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
