Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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