she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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