My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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