she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
