I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
