Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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