you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just had sex on a roof
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
