just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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