Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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