I just saw a hot homeless man
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
