just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
