I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
